my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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