i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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