And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
