When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
is it fun? or sober?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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