WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
