Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
