I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize