dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm really busy with my period
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