Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
