glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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