I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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