C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
