You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
