i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
