She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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