Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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