he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
