Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
