My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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