I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
