you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
