Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
