Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
