Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
