So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
