yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
