maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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