i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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