you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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