I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Randomize
