Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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