So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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