Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
