woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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