i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
