so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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