I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
