god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
