I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
