I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
