Where did you get a picture of my penis
Farmville is her only friend.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize