My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
