My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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