Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
