Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I would fuck him just for his dog
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
