Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
