Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize