i was born a porn star she said
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
