Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
