Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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