She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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