my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
