You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
