Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
