I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
