Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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