I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
