i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
