**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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