plz talk dirty to me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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