Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
