There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
