Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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