I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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