I'm pants shitting drunk right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
