the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
