so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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