I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
