I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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