so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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