The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
