Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
