her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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