By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
