Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
