Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
