her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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