Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
