So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
