dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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