Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
