Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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