I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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