I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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