I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
