you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
