mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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