If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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