You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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