I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
