Ketchup is God's man juice
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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