she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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