Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
