pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
