You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
